Sleep vs. the Sleepy (i.e. me)

I find it appropriate that I started writing this at 6:48 am, after having gone to sleep mere hours earlier. I guess you could say sleep and I don’t always mix well together. We’re like that light switch relationship you hear about.  At best, we’re on. We’re holding hands, and I’m wrapped up contently in a cocoon of blankets, in love. Other times however, sleep is either playing hard to get, or I have better “acquaintances” to be in the company of.  When I’m in control, which is rare, it’s like oh yeah, I’m invincible! Of course, I then consequently pass out from my ultra-ego dominating my body. When sleep is in control however, it’s whole other story.

Sleep reminds me of my cat Lulu. If you don’t chase her, she’ll come curiously to you, she’ll check you out, and if she likes you, she’ll stay. If however, you get excited at the very prospect of her arrival, there won’t even be that. Just like that, and WHAM, she’s off running!

So, what’s a girl got to do to not go crazy? First of all, go crazy. I could be just saying this to validate my own actions, but I did truly find it helpful (very much after the fact), when I had an anxiety attack over not getting enough sleep. It gave me perspective. Either I was going to keep fighting this tiresome (pun intended) battle, or I would be armed and ready for its next sneak attack. I obviously (and eventually) went with the latter. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to find a viable surface.

So, without further ado, here are a few things that helped me:

Meditation: I cannot express enough how helpful this has been for me. What I like to do is an inverted yoga pose, like child’s pose, or lying flat on the ground with my legs up against a wall (so my body looks like a right angle) and just breathe, and think. That’s it. The important thing I’ve learned is not to fight what I’m thinking. Instead of being like, seriously, I’m thinking about cheese…what insightful guru thinks about cheese?!?!, I try to just let it be, let it all just melt away on its own (yes, I did that on purpose). Doing so has been incredibly peaceful and insightful. Just remember: nobody can hear how stupid you think your thoughts are.

Cherries:

These low glycemic goodies contain melatonin, a hormone our body naturally produces when we sleep. So when we don’t sleep…well then we don’t get as much melatonin.  This isn’t good. While the verdict’s still out on how exactly melatonin helps the body (anywhere from expelling free-radicals and dispelling cancer to decreasing chances of Alzheimer’s), I still find that cherries do help. The tart undertone wakes me up and the sweet belly of the fruit helps remind there’s a better day ahead of me. It could be a placebo effect, but it’s been worth it. Plus, it’s entertaining trying to spit the pits from far distances into the trash can.  

Laughter:  Remember that story about the princess who couldn’t even sleep on 11 or so mattresses just because of a silly little pea? We have a running joke in my family that the woman are very much like that princess. And by no means, does that mean we get any sort of royal treatment. However, we do get to laugh. And sometimes, that’s all you can do. When someone else understands exactly how your lack of sleep has left you suspicious yet clumsy, cranky, yet goofy…that’s when you know you’ll have some good laughs. I’ve also been known to be an most excellent rapper when exhaustion hits: my mind’s been on repeat; maybe that’s why I can’t sleep, I keep tossing and turning, for the dreams I’ve been  yearning.
Massage Therapy: Tossing and turning wrecks havoc on the body. Often after a restless night, at least one muscle is sore. Massages can help. They also release endorphins, the happy chemicals which decrease stress and anxiety. Often these emotions are far more lasting than a good night's rest, and they can lead to an array of other health risks, which can lead to an array of restless nights. It's an agonizing cycle. If you don't have the time or resources right now to look into massage, suggest switching off with your partner. Even a couple minutes can help. Also, it's a great way to be intimate and feel validated that yes, your pain is real, yes, your issues matter.

In conclusion, no, I haven’t exactly found a “cure” for my bouts of insomnia.  I don’t know if I ever will. Life is full of all sorts of excitements, and in order for these occasions to occur, there needs to be an element of suspense, aka anxiety. Personally, I’d rather live than hermit myself off within the realms of safety. That’s just silly. But living the life I want doesn’t mean I need to struggle within every waking moment (and believe me, there are a lot) because I didn’t get enough sleep the night or nights before.

Often I find that I need to look more at the origin of my insomnia than the symptoms of my crankiness and exhaustion that only tell a superficial story. I have to divulge deeper in order to find that pearl of inquiry.  It’s not easy. But nothing worth your time ever is. That’s why we treasure it.

They say we’ll sleep when we’re dead. The truth is, we’ll die if we don’t sleep, and that option is much more of a reality.