Conquering the Comparisons

     We’ve all been there: anxiously scanning the room with wide eyes only to feel small and defeated by others. I’m not talking about being intoxicated in any way, but rather about how we rank ourselves mercilessly against all odds. Being on the tipping edge of this is not a conductive manner to live by.

Here are some ways to overcome it:

Asking yourself why:

     Have you ever encountered a five-year-old who has to know the answer to everything, which means s/he asks why at least 25 times, if not more? While this might be very annoying in that situation, it’s that annoyance that is beneficial to someone who asks themselves why in response to negative thoughts. For example, imagine this certain conversation between the negative and positive personality of a person (side note, it’s not crazy to talk to yourself if you remain the same person throughout the entire conversation):

NEGATIVE: My arms never look as good as Joe's.

POSITIVE: But why?

NEGATIVE: His are more toned.

POSITIVE: But why?

NEGATIVE: Well he lifts weights and goes to the gym four times a week.

POSITIVE: But why?

NEGATIVE: To stay in shape.

POSTIIVE: But why?

NEGATIVE: So he’ll be healthy and look good.

POSITIVE: What’s stopping me from doing that?

This then leads to the next point:

                                                                         

Focusing on what your good attributes are

     Instead of wasting time looking for ways to be like someone else, it’s easier and healthier to just focus on what you already have to offer. I have a friend who used to wake up at 5 a.m. just to straighten her beautiful curls away. In addition to sacrificing an hour or more of sleep, she was also causing damage to her hair and wallet by buying products to reduce the harm of the heat. Nowadays she wears her hair natural more often than not and still turns heads, if not more than before.

Lastly, it’s important to:

Look for the beauty in others

     Comparing yourself against others is a very selfish act, even when it’s disguised with self-pity. And self-pity is never a good thing to have even a little of. One of the best ways to diminish a bad habit is to distract yourself from it. Start simple, look for something beautiful in every person already know. Then expand it. Notice your grocery cashier with the

beautiful red hair, the guy in front of you at the bank with the sparkling blue eyes, the old man with the friendliest smile. Soon it'll become a new habit of acknowledgement than one of comparison.  Also, if you can find the beauty in strangers, you can find the beauty in yourself.

     When I was in middle school, I would write I am pretty on the butt of my underwear and if I didn’t happen to wear a pair of these underwear, I’d feel ugly all day, jealous of the girls with silky, straight hair and perfect, pearly smiles. Sometimes what we really need to do is remember what makes us beautiful in our own way; it's not always about looks. Yes, that’s the first attribute you see in a person, but I know plenty of “beautiful” people who have become uglier in my eyes based on their personality. I also know plenty of “average” people who upon getting to know them better, I found myself attracted to them more and more.

     It’s been said that it’s what’s on the inside that counts. That is true, but the better you understand that for yourself, the better it will be reflected on the outside for others to see. And that, is truly beautiful.